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Church launches briefing on secrets of a successful marriage for those saying 'I will'

28 February 2008

 

Help is at hand for newly engaged couples preparing for their wedding day and planning the rest of their life together with a new course soon to be offered by the Church of England.

Following hot on the heels of Valentine’s Day, and on the eve of the day when – folklore suggests – unmarried women can ‘pop the question’ to their boyfriends, the new marriage preparation course is available for parish churches to offer to couples who have pledged to make their vows in front of friends, family, and God.

Growing Together – the course aims to provide ministers with quality material to use with couples in churches up and down the country as they get ready for their big day – and the rest of their lives together. The course reveals that couples should take time, both before and during their marriage, to discuss:

  • their plans for, and attitudes towards, raising children
  • the importance of companionship, and staying friends with people outside the couple
  • listening and talking: communication skills that both sexes need
  • techniques for handling conflict and anger
  • the place of sex in their relationship
  • the role that religious faith plays in their lives.

The course, designed to be delivered either as a day course or as seven evening sessions, has been created by former Relate counsellor the Revd Andrew Body, a vicar from Chobham, Surrey, who has conducted more than 500 weddings in 35 years as an Anglican priest. Around 58,000 couples chose to get married in a Church of England church each year.

A survey conducted in 2006 for the Church of England suggested that 44 per cent of the UK population believe the church should offer some form of preparation for married life for those who choose the church to conduct their wedding*. That view is supported by the General Synod, which carried a motion in 1999 underlining the value of marriage preparation courses and encouraging parishes to offer them to couples.

In Growing Together – the course, Mr Body suggests a range of creative activities to encourage couples to think about the foundations of a healthy marriage, and the classic understanding of the reasons for getting married: sex, children, and companionship. Among the suggested activities, he suggests couples complete a ‘league table’ of their individual priorities in life to compare with their fiancé/e, and draw a family tree to map out relationships between their wider families.

In helping equip couples to think about the challenging aspects of married life, the course also suggests activities designed to prompt reflection and discussion about communication skills, and dealing with conflict and anger.

The course builds on a successful book, also called Growing Together, which was originally published in 2006 and used by churches throughout the country. While the book is for couples to read together, the course helps them get the most from the book and is invaluable for ministers.

The course is supported by a CD-ROM which includes resources for churches to help run the course, including scripts, handouts and materials to promote the course in their local community.

Growing Together – The Course (ISBN 978 07151 4135 9) is published by Church House Publishing, priced £19.99, and is available from Christian bookshops including Church House Bookshop, or on the web (mail order available).